Aren’t there any real MEN out there?

20 Aug

When it comes to romantic relationships, I am as innocent as one gets.  I am not ashamed to admit that I’ve never had a boyfriend, much less been on a date.  Along with my long list of “never”, you can add the physical aspects that go into a romantic relationship such as never being kissed or being sexually promiscuous.  I figure since I’m only a few weeks shy to my twentieth birthday, I’m still young and I have time to experience love and find my soul mate.  Sure, I have my days where it completely sucks being single to the point of wanting to send a bullet straight between the eyes of any happy couple.  But, for the most part I wait for my time and just enjoy what life throws at me.  I’ve been trying harder to be more outgoing towards the male species.  For the longest time I’ve held my guard up because I figure no guy could possibly be interested in a girl that is as physically disabled as myself.  To deal with the frustrations, like mentioned above, I’ve decided to make a documentary about the dating life of the disabled community.  So far, I have found answers and confronted fears of my own that I never thought existed.  I feel the process of making this documentary has encouraged me to look past what I typically wouldn’t do or say and take a chance with love.

I’m not sure if its a coincidence or if I send off a vibe to guys like a cat in heat, but it seems like recently I been receiving more attention then necessarily wanted.  Though you would think I would want to check a few things off my “Things Chloe Has Never Done” list, I am not going to settle for anything.  I have needs and values too.  If you know me well, then you know I am against dating anyone who is disabled as well.  I’m not judgmental.   I’m realistic.  I know the work that would have to go into a relationship with two disabled people, especially if he is physically worse then myself.  A few men in chairs have approached me online and I respectfully decline their flirtatious messages and continue on my way to find someone more suitable for my needs.

In April I met a guy at the Abilities Expo in Los Angeles.  For privacy issues, lets call this guy Larry the lecherous.  He is in a wheelchair as well.  From what I remember, Larry is a paraplegic (paralysis of the legs and lower body, typically caused by spinal injury or disease).  I’ll admit, Larry wasn’t hard on the eyes.  Sure enough, we became “friends” on Facebook.  Because you can’t be friends till you are friends on FB right? We would chat periodically about random things or he would send me encouraging messages to keep up with my art or tell me how beautiful I was.

Out of the five months of knowing one other, after only meeting once at the expo, Larry begins to call me on my cell phone.  The first time Larry called me, it was at 4am.  I didn’t notice I had a missed call till that morning since I was probably having hot dreams about some other guy.  I thought it was odd for Larry to call me at such an hour since we’ve never spoken on the phone prior.  We continue to play phone tag for about two weeks.

Then finally I happen to answer the phone when he called.  I could tell Larry was uncomfortable making dialog with me.  So, why call in the first place?  Of course I fall in the role of carrying the conversation.  Then, I give him a chance to talk and he asks me a question I dread.  “Why are you single?  Or do you have a boyfriend?”  I always answer by replying if I knew why I was single I wouldn’t be.  With that said, Larry awkwardly asks me out on a date.  Like I’ve mentioned above, I’m not pro-cripple dating, but I was willing to give Larry a chance since he seemed to be sweet and his disability wouldn’t be an issue to me since he had upper body strength.  We agreed we would go on our date later on in the week.  It was also a plus that he lives thirty minutes from me.  At one point he wanted me to pick where we would spend our date, but I made sure he got the point that I’m old school and if you invite me out, you better plan it.  He had also mentioned he would pick me up, but that was also a no-no on my list of things to never do.  I was a bit uneasy after hanging up with Larry.  I wasn’t as excited as I thought I would be, being that it was my first date ever going on.  But I figured it was nerves that this too shall pass.

Minutes pass and I received a text message from Larry.  Being the typical girl that I am, I saw his name and assumed the text would read something in the lines of how he looks forward to our date.  No, instead it read, “So, do you get physical Chloe?”  The naïve girl I am, wanted to believe he meant physical as in sports, since he just attended a sports camp, even though I knew he meant sex.  I’m going to spare myself from typing the whole she said/he said conversation and just get to the point.  Larry continues to tell me how he wants to “go down” on me.  So sure, you find me sexually attractive.  I can’t get on a guy for feeling that way.  I’ll just be sure not to have him pick me up for our date.  I made sure he understood he wasn’t getting any of my goods because I’m not that type of girl.  He perceives himself to be an innocent Christian man on FB which then irritated me more by what he was saying.  Cause you have to ask, What would Jesus do?  He sure wouldn’t tell me how he likes to “go down”.  I hesitated his religion would be an issue if we did date since I am not religious.  Then I find out he’s 39 years old.  Thats 11 years younger then my dad, 20 years older then me.  So not only is he an old man, but he’s a perverted hypocrite. CREEPY!

I have never been so disrespected or creeped out by a guy in my life.  He said I should feel flattered that he wants to be sexual with me.  In a odd way, I am but not.  If he was more respectful then definitely.  But, he moved way too fast for my liking.  I barely know him and he thinks it’s appropriate to talk like that before our first day.  Even after I tried to change the subject he tells me he wanted to know if I knew how good it felt.  He also had the great idea of me painting while he “went down” on me.  Yuck! Not that I’m against anything sexual, but let me get to know you first before you try and get in my pants.  I knew from then on this guy was a creep and there was no way I was going to go on a date with a guy that thought he could talk to me in such a manner.  I respectfully took back my acceptance to his date offer and told him the sex talk was creepy, being we only met briefly.  I don’t understand how anyone could possibly be ok with talking like that.  If you want to get laid I’m not the girl to call.  I respect myself too much.  So now, he’s probably at home pissed off because seeing that I blocked him on FB and our date is not happening.  His old ass just got dissed by a 19-year-old girl.  Don’t mess with me.  You’ll regret it!

So my question is, aren’t there any real MEN out there?  Disabled or not…They seem to all be the same!  Maybe they are all sexually frustrated!


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